First thing I want to say is that I was very happy with my presentation of my twitterive. I thought I was going to cry or breakdown since it is such a personal story but I didn't. It actually was a little relieving. Everybody's feedback was very helpful and is taking in consideration. it helped me see others perspective and opinions of my project that I couldn't see. When presenting my twitterive I was a little confused of what my place is and had so many ideas in my head. After the class and their feedback I really came to the conclusion that my place is my sister's keeper. So, here are some of the changes and editing I will be doing to my twitterive:
1.) Including more of my voice- I didn't realize until presentation that the audience really didn't get to hear my voice or see how I felt during this moment of my life. I want this story to be my story so I am going to include more of my voice throughout my twitterive. I will show myself by including a letter to my sister, poems, and stream of consciousness.
2.) Including more dark times- I want the audience to really get the feeling I was feeling during this time and how important my sister is to me. I am planning on writing a skit of an intervention scene I went through with my sister, a poem about her withdrawel and seeing her pretty much die inside, and our car ride we shared and she got kicked out of rehab and I went to pick her up.
3.) Prologue- I will rewrite my prologue so its clearer to the audience what my place is. Also, I will explain to the audience that some of the writing pieces are from my sister, Nise.
4.) Chip- Some were confused by this so I was planning on taking Prof. Mangini's advice and write what I see when I see this chip. To me its a reminder of the bad and the good and how we should live day by day.
5.) I'm coming home video- Some also seemed confused by this, if I meant she was coming home literally or metaphorically. I meant metaphorically, in the sense of my sister being who is was and the past is the past and her kingdom( family) awaits her coming. She finally realized she needs help and she's getting it. Since that was a little confusing I am planning on including her rehab admittance so the audience can understand why I included that song. I love that song and it reminds me of my sister every-time I hear it.
The above is what I will be working on this upcoming week for my 3rd draft. I really appreciate the feedback and advice from the class. I will take all the feedback in consideration when editing my twitterive. This project means a lot to me because it's about my sister and I want the audience to understand my story and why I portrayed it the way I did. So thank you again all!
1.) Including more of my voice- I didn't realize until presentation that the audience really didn't get to hear my voice or see how I felt during this moment of my life. I want this story to be my story so I am going to include more of my voice throughout my twitterive. I will show myself by including a letter to my sister, poems, and stream of consciousness.
2.) Including more dark times- I want the audience to really get the feeling I was feeling during this time and how important my sister is to me. I am planning on writing a skit of an intervention scene I went through with my sister, a poem about her withdrawel and seeing her pretty much die inside, and our car ride we shared and she got kicked out of rehab and I went to pick her up.
3.) Prologue- I will rewrite my prologue so its clearer to the audience what my place is. Also, I will explain to the audience that some of the writing pieces are from my sister, Nise.
4.) Chip- Some were confused by this so I was planning on taking Prof. Mangini's advice and write what I see when I see this chip. To me its a reminder of the bad and the good and how we should live day by day.
5.) I'm coming home video- Some also seemed confused by this, if I meant she was coming home literally or metaphorically. I meant metaphorically, in the sense of my sister being who is was and the past is the past and her kingdom( family) awaits her coming. She finally realized she needs help and she's getting it. Since that was a little confusing I am planning on including her rehab admittance so the audience can understand why I included that song. I love that song and it reminds me of my sister every-time I hear it.
The above is what I will be working on this upcoming week for my 3rd draft. I really appreciate the feedback and advice from the class. I will take all the feedback in consideration when editing my twitterive. This project means a lot to me because it's about my sister and I want the audience to understand my story and why I portrayed it the way I did. So thank you again all!
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